Inspiration

I can see the stars,

Shining bright up above.

They look down on me smiling.


I don’t know when it happened,

But now I’m just as bright as them

I can feel the light exploding from me

My creativity is free


It’s going to end soon,

This new found light

But it’s okay.

I made something beauitful

And…when I look up at the sky,

I am reminded that I can shine as bright as them

Mid 2020 Reflections

It’s finally the second half of the year, and like most people, I’m counting down the months until it ends. Despite this, I’ve learnt and grown a lot this year, so I want to share these lessons in hope others can reflect.

  • Focus on yourself. You can’t please everyone because it’s exhausting, do be kind to others but not at your expense.
  • Forming new habits takes time and energy. You need the willpower to do so and it’s bloody hard. I managed to successfully learn one new habit this year out of the many I’ve tried. It takes time and if you want it bad enough you’ll get there!
  • Fitness and healthy eating go hand in hand, and it also effects your mood significantly. Healthy eating is hard and so is exercising. This pandemic has made it even harder for some to do both, and I think the greatest effect its all had is in my mood. Which is why I’ve started doing little things to stay active and I’m feeling great.
  • I am in control. Everything I want to do is up to me to do it and no one else. Lack of control is scary and we sometimes don’t realise that we are in control. That’s why I remind myself of this every so often.
  • I need to play my part in social and environmental issues. It can’t go ignored anymore because racism is still prevalent and that’s not on. In terms of the environment, there are hundreds of small easy things I can incorporate into my life to increase the chances of a better future. So I’ve learned the small things to do my part. I may not have a loud voice yet but I can still do the little things.
  • The future is scary but it’s not set in stone.
  • Live your life like your the main character. Because you are. No one else is living your life, so go out there and achieve your goals.

These are just a few lessons learned and I’ve found they were greatly influenced by a lot of events that happened this year. While it has been a long and eventful half year, let’s hope the second half is better. And I’d love to hear any lessons you’ve learned this year!

What’s Left?

I feel deserted

Like I’ve fucked up so much.

Somehow it was all my fault,

Because it couldn’t be helped.

Because it’s a great life lesson.


Abuse is abuse

There’s no reward from it,

No lesson to learn, no right to make excuses for an abuser.

While they have everything,

I’m on the floor broken.

And now, I’m down here thinking ‘what’s left?’

‘…What’s left of me?’


Slowly, I pull myself from the floor,

Realising…

That I have my strength,

My fire and passion for life.

I know myself, I know who I want to be.

And no one can ever take that away from me.


One of the last sentences you said was,

‘I hope you survived’

I didn’t just survive.

I flourished into a person you could never be.

So, what’s left?

There’s so much.

Beauty

I often watch myself in the mirror

Trying to see beauty

A face that reflects my heart and my soul

Yet, I can never see it

Am I not beautiful inside?


My image stares back

Not me, but a reflection

She looks like me… and moves like me

But she looks empty inside

There’s no depth there

Maybe thats why I cannot see the beauty


Slowly she’s getting less empty

Filling up with shining light

It’s slow but it’s steady,

I can see it!


She’s beautiful

All it took was for me to see beauty in myself

I was searching without trying…

Trying to love… myself

Time Pauses For No One

Let me freeze this moment, please?

My future is fuzzy

It’s hard to see

I think there are shadows lurking


I’m safe in this moment,

Where my world transparent.

No monsters are lurking,

Shadows are absent.


The universe cannot hear my pleas,

They continue to go unanswered,

The path of uncertainty approaches,

Why won’t you stop time?

Please? For me?


I speak to the universe as if I am special.

As if time should only stop for me.

Everyone is scared.

Life is uncertain.

But it’s a journey we must take,

And times will be tough

“But you will blossom”,

I can hear the universe whispering to me.


I Can’t See The Stars Anymore

Light is fading

The sky is cloudy

Hope and imagination have subsided.


A sky once filled with speckles of light

Now, reduced to a blank space

I see myself in the sky

Vast and empty


I once dreamed to be bright, to be seen

But now, clouds have covered me

I can’t be bright any longer

Only vast darkness is here

And it seems to be eternal

Delusional

I thought it was really going to happen this time.

The universe was on my side

I could see my dream,

Drawn by the stars,

Spelled out by the gushing winds

The universe was telling me something


Yet, I never realised…

Never realised it was drawn by the stars,

Because my dream was too big.

Spelled out by the gushing winds,

Because my dream was too loud.


The universe was warning me

‘Don’t pursue it.’

‘You’re a speck of dust in this eternal vacuum of time and space.’

I was deluded.

Change

Sometimes our voices feel small

We are drowned out by the world around us

Never having our feelings heard


Then, one small voice grows louder

Someone starts to hear

Now, there’s another voice

It can be heard

Their thoughts and opinions no longer drowned out


Everyone’s voice is now growing louder

No one is left unheard

We all see a problem

An issue that we have to yell to have heard and be seen

That’s not good enough

We will keep yelling,

Until something is done

Then, we can be silent.

Only when we live in a world where the colour of your skin is irrelevant,

And everyone truely is equal.

Book Corner – Lessons Learned from The Order of the Phoenix

This post isn’t going to be on the book as much per sae. I enjoyed this book as much as I enjoyed the rest of the Harry Potter series, however; one character stood out to me, Dumbledore. So, I’m going to discuss why because it almost brought a tear to my eye, and I don’t cry over books.

It wasn’t until the end of the book that we finally got a glimpse into the kind of character Dumbledore is and he is one I really admire.

At the end of the book, after losing his godfather, Harry was distraught, angry and just in a horrible mental state. He was yelling, smashing things and being destructive in Dumbledores office. Yet, Dumbledore showed no objection, he merrily let Harry let it out and listened. I want to discuss a bit about this. Throughout the book Harry was being toxic to his friends because he repressed a lot of his emotions. Finally it came out and by offering Harry a safe place to yell, scream and smash things was the best possible way Dumbledore could’ve reacted to this scenario.

Now, I’m not saying smash things, at least not anything that is valuable. What I am saying is that allowing someone to let it out and free themselves from repressed anger is an amazing thing to do. Not casting blame on them, or offering excuses and listening. I really admired this about Dumbledore, because in no way did he try to repress or down play Harry’s feelings and instead provided an outlet.

Then, when Dumbledore was discussing why the house elf lied to Harry about Sirius (Harry’s godfather), ultimately leading to Sirius’s demise, he explained his motives again never casting blame. Dumbledore is incredibly good at understanding the reason behind why people do the things they do. He understood the mistreatment of the house elf by Sirius and how it could’ve effected their behaviour. But he also understood that Sirius’s mistreatment arose due to a belief that house elves are slaves in Wizarding society. He didn’t show blame on one or the other, he simply stated both sides of the story to allow Harry to make his judgement as to whether he blamed the house elf. For me, presenting the story in two ways allows me to understand to a greater extent. Even more, he didn’t show which side he blamed for Sirius’s death, he did understand that the house elf had been treated poorly by Sirius, but he didn’t show whose side he took. Albeit, in some situations it’s incredibly obvious which side you should take (ones support human rights) and I am referring to the cause of Sirius’s death but he allowed Harry to draw his own conclusions and to decide whether he blamed the house elf or not. Doing this doesn’t guilt trip someone into coming to a certain conclusion. And that is why I admire Dumbledore in this book, he showed how to react when someone reaches out to you and how to see a situation; from both sides of a story.

Thank you so much for reading, I hope this post was somewhat thought provoking. I really enjoy books that have a fantastic story and message so if anyone has an idea as to what book I should read next, let me know!