I’ve decided to start a fitness diary on this blog as well because I want to use it to motivate myself and share my mental and physical process. My blog is very much about mental health and self expression, but mental health also has an affect on physical well-being. As I continue to journey on working through my mental state, I also want to really connect my mind and body, exploring how far my mind will take me on my fitness journey.
My Weight – The Constant Struggle
As a child, I was obese. I am 154cm, so I am fairly short and I have been that way since age 12. Naturally, because I stopped growing at such an early age, I grew sideways. Now, my background is Greek, Italian and German. My genes literally gave me all the curves, like my hips and thighs are as Greek as they get. Greeks are also big eaters, my grandma fed me full meals after school, then I would to eat dinner as well. And at 16 I weighed 100kg. As you could imagine, I lacked self-confidence because of my weight and struggled to be social. I never had a boyfriend and remained within my small group of friends, a social anxiety that haunts me to this day. I wouldn’t say I got bullied that often because of my weight, but I was bullied quite a lot for my lack of self confidence and ability to stand up for myself.
At some point in year 11, I decided enough was enough and started eating less (not necessarily healthier). I didn’t have meals straight after school and if I did I wouldn’t eat dinner. I didn’t start exercising at this point but I was starting to get smaller and smaller. By the end of year 12, I weighed around 80kg.
After high school ended, I limited my meals even more and started going to the gym everyday. The 3 months between the end of high school and start of university, I had lost another 10kg. I continued to exercise and watch what I was eating the rest of the year and managed to get down to 63kg. I then hit a plateau, stopped losing weight and stopped going to the gym. Two years later I weight around 74 kg and I’m ready to finally achieve my goal. I have been too unhealthy the past two years and it’s time to feel myself again.
I have decided not to weigh myself because it is a source of anxiety and knowing me I can become too focused on the numbers. There were times I weighed myself everyday and would gain 1kg from the food I ate the previous day. Seeing my weight increase made me cut out more food and as a result I eventually became micronutrient deficient.
My Battle with Stress Eating
Food is great. I love food, especially the unhealthy food. Chips, fried chicken, pasta, McDonald’s, did I mention chips? When I am stressed, I’m going to eat. I get so much comfort in eating and this past year when I was struggling with my mental health, I binge ate.
My relationship with food has always been pretty rocky. My mother is an Australian Italian and should be cooking amazing Italian food, instead she chooses to cook frozen food. Now, she’s struggled with her weight too so it’s easy to see where my poor nutritional values stem from. As a child, we wouldn’t eat home cooked food often which lead to an unhealthy relationship with food and my issues with weight.
My New Diet
In order to reduce my binge eating, I decided to start the keto diet. I tried it before without exercise and it did help, however; it would’ve more beneficial if I did exercise. Now I’m trying it again, I thought my issues were mostly snacking on carbs and those carbs aren’t going anywhere because my mother buys them like there’s no tomorrow. If I cut out the carbs, I hope to reduce snacking and learn to control my binge eating better.
So far so good. I have been eating a lot of protein and fats, as well as more greens than I have ever eaten. I’m still trying to figure out how to incorporate fruits because they are quite carb dense but I’m getting there.
My Everyday Routine
Since I’m on holidays I am not very active. So everyday I pretty much just sit on my bed at home watching tv and practicing my Japanese. Everyday I wake up at 12, go about my day and it’s not until 11pm that I go to the gym. I think I really need to incorporate some walking or just general leaving the house during the day because it’s unhealthy to stay inside so much. Anyway now for my gym routine, I am pretty much just focusing on cardio currently. So mainly the treadmill and the exercise bike is used. I also use the stair climber as a warm up to get ready for some serious cardio. When I feel like I have lost enough weight I will start lifting again.
Thanks for reading everyone, if you have any tips please leave a comment xx