I feel broken.
There’s a cog within my brain that won’t turn
The cog remains stagnant.
It always has.
Is it normal that I don’t feel ‘normal’ physical sensations?
Is it normal that lust doesn’t exist in me?
I am broken.
Yet, this is all I’ve ever known
The world changed around me and I stayed the same
It feels like I never matured
Relationships won’t exist, they don’t exist
Loneliness is eternal
All because of that unresponsive cog in my brain
I don’t see myself as broken…I feel it but I don’t see it
How can something break if the desire was never there?
I do see loneliness though
With asexuality, at times, there’s fear… anxiety…
That I will disappoint someone in the process of trying to be loved
That all anyone will ever see is my body
The loneliness is eternal and the fear is terrifying
However, if I wear it on my sleeve, then people will know not to give me false hope
And me…I won’t get hurt