Poetry

Shallow Breaths

Every single breath,

Doesn’t feel whole.

It’s a tiny fraction of what it once was.


I don’t know why I let the pain in,

The hurt becomes too much to bare.

I haven’t been myself for a while,

And now everything is resurfacing suddenly.


I long for the time my breaths were whole,

A time my brain was quiet.

It seems so distant now.


I miss the days where being inside wasn’t claustrophobic.

The fresh air is calming,

But outside it’s too bright.

There’s not enough warmth in my heart to stand it.


So now I hover between,

Dark or light.

Accept breathlessness and remain in the shadows,

Or let my heart open up to the light.


Poetry

Black And White

There’s no black and white.

A million possibilities exist.

Yet, if that’s the case,

Then why doesn’t it feel that way?


There’s only two choices,

Pain or not.

That’s all I can see,

And all I wish to see.

My heart is too weak,

The hurt is too strong.


Sometimes I forget,

The pain that destroyed me.

So, I set myself free.

Open up my world to the possibilities.

Then an all too familiar sight appears.

In the blink of an eye,

The same pattern repeats.

These millions of possibilities turned one colour.

And yet again favoured pain.


Surely if there was no black and white,

Then the chance of hurt would be low.

Almost a zero possibility.

And it wouldn’t happen.

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Poetry

The First Panic Attack

What’s this?

My chest is heavy.

No matter what,

I can’t get enough air in.


This has never happened before.

I’m afraid.

My mind won’t stop racing.

Is this normal?

How do I make it stop?


Each gasp does nothing,

Not matter how much I try.

I’m breathless.

Is it ever going to stop?

It seems like it’s been forever.


It’s settling now.

My lungs are tired,

And my brain is sore.

I’m exhausted.

But I can breathe again,

Finally.

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Poetry · Uncategorized

Art

Today I realised,

Why I love art so much.

It keeps my hands busy,

Matching my mind.


Long ago,

I lost touch with it.

It was years since I drew.

Then recently,

My pen touched the paper.

And it’s movement matched my mind.


Art truely can heal.

It’s calming.

Allowing the pen to flow,

It lets my mind do the same.

Now I remember why I love art.

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Poetry

Imagine

I don’t miss you,

In fact, I never want to see you again.

Yet, I feel guilt.

Because I acted irrational,

I was hurt.

My pain caused yours.


Confrontation is scary.

I know it is.

But you cannot go through life,

Thinking you’re always right.

Imagine the hurt you can cause.

I would know,

I experienced it.


Instead of facing your issues,

You snubbed and hoped they would go away.

That just causes more pain.

I apologised.

Yet, you left that apology there,

And didn’t say a single word.


Imagine… for a second…

That you aren’t so entitled,

And that your pain isn’t greater than anyone else’s.

Imagine…

That you saw everyone’s problems as equal to your own,

Without comparisons being made.

Imagine…

Being an adult and learning from your mistakes.


So please…

If you can take anything from the pain you caused me.

Learn from your faults,

Work things out,

Don’t walk away from your problems.

Poetry

Friendship

Why do I give everyone my all?

It’s barely ever reciprocated.

Then I’m left here wondering “why?”


“Did I do something?”

“Was I being self-centred?”

These thoughts dance around my brain,

In a never ending waltz.

Will I ever stop blaming myself?


I hope that one day,

I will be capable to letting go,

Of being self-reliant.

Because the reality is,

I give it my all,

Yet I have to talk to a brick wall.

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Poetry

Love

The universe is against me.

All that awaits,

Is pain.


I do try…

To love.

Yet, the hurt is too strong.


Now,

I’m scared.

Scared of every single person who peaks my interest.

All because,

The universe seems to not let me be loved.


I long for the day that I accept that.

The day this very thought doesn’t hurt.

For now, I’ll endure and continue to be me.

Because me is who I have to live with,

Forever.

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Poetry

Apathy

Pain hurts to much,
Caring is exhausting,
My emotions are numb.
Does apathy really exsist?
Or is it caused by pain that weighs too heavy?
Is it really just numbness?
I can feel the pain.
Only it’s dulled,
It’s numb.
There’s been too much hurt,
Yet the apathy doesn’t set in,
Every day still pierces my soul.
Apathy must not exist.
Poetry

Colleagues

I came here to work.
  To learn,
  To achieve.
Please don’t make me feel this way,
There’s too many distractions.
So I ask please…stop.
Don’t turn an innocent crush into something more.
I don’t know when it started,
But now I like the attention,
   The flirting,
   The support,
You said you have my back.
   Is that true?
   Why do you?
I couldn't take the thoughts anymore,
   I need to focus.
That’s why I confessed.
Was it self-sabotage?
   Yes.
Rejection hurts but maybe you’ll stop,
   Stop flirting,
   And glancing were my eyes aren’t.
Why do I have to lower myself?
   To hurt myself to stop you?
It didn’t work,
   It built you up.
And now I’m left here.
You said you understood why I had to hear you say it,
    All the while you glanced at my lips.
I wish it would end here.
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