Congratulations

I need to congratulate you.

You did a good job.

Achieved your goal.


Your moves were so calculated

It had to be a plan.

You must’ve wanted to leave me lying on the floor…

…in a foetal position.


You must feel so proud

So powerful, so strong


You deserve congratulations for stooping so low

For stepping over others to achieve

For gaslighting

Because I know it’s something I could never do

I know it’s something a lot of people cannot do


Good on you.

You must feel like a god now.

Congratulations.

The Hunt

Hi everyone, this is part one of a short story I have been working on. I hope through writing more narratives, I’ll be able to develop my writing skills. Thanks for reading!

I sat there, staring into space, thinking of my next steps, thinking of how to fix this shitty situation I found myself in. I had pissed off my boss, and she then felt the need to tell others about my incompetency rather than come to me with it. The scenario repeated on a continuous cycle in my head, like someone was constantly pressing the replay button. I had no control over my mind. I blamed myself and couldn’t think of a way to fix this mess. The fear and embarrassment took over. People would surely think I’m stupid and not fit to work here.

‘It’s clear as day that I’m the issue, otherwise she wouldn’t have said anything’ I thought to myself.

Unable to deal with the emotions, I froze. There I was, sitting at my desk, in a trance caused by the endless replaying of events in my mind. I couldn’t think or work. Then, it all happened so suddenly. The world around me faded to pitch black. It was only for a millisecond, then I found myself in a completely different setting.

‘Eh?’ I said, confused.

I blinked a few times to check if my eyes were deceiving me. Then did that obligatory arm pinch to see if I had somehow fallen asleep without noticing.

I didn’t wake up.

I was definitely awake…

As ridiculous as my recount of events sound, I found myself sitting on a single bed in a small wooden cabin. It was lightly furnished with the necessities; a bed, fireplace, as well as a kitchenette and was dimly lit by windows.

Taking in my surroundings, the scenery outside the window caught my attention.

For a moment, I was almost stricken with awe. In front of me was an emerald green forest, with trees so high I had to awkwardly crane my neck up to see the top. The forest floor was covered in shrubs, with patched of red mushrooms and flowers breaking up the green. As quickly as I saw it’s beauty, fear had gripped me. This isn’t something you’d see where I’m from.

We don’t have luscious green forests.

‘Why the fuck am I here?’ I said, half expecting someone to provide answers.

I turned to scan the cabin. There was zilch. It was as basic as possible. Then the view from the window above the bed caught my eye.

My mouth dropped.

Through the window, I had a first person view of my work desk. Obviously, I wasn’t at my desk, so naturally I freaked the fuck out.

‘What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck?’ I panicked.

I tried grasping the window to see if it was a picture or something pasted to the window.

‘You’re an idiot, it’s…my hands are moving’.

My mind began to race, as it should in a situation like that.

In a frantic effort to discover what was going on I turned cabin upside down, searching for some sort of answer as to why I was there. I checked the kitchen cabinets and search under the mattress. I found nothing.

Anxiety set in and I could sense a panic attack coming on.

I’d like to think I would keep a clear head in stressful situation, however; this was too fucking bizarre to keep a cool head.

I began to hyperventilate. I kept gasping for air. Not matter how much I took into my lungs, it was never enough.

Less than a minute into my panic attack, and without any warning, the cabin began to shake violently. This worked in my favour however, because my mind was distracted enough to stop panicking.

‘Is this an earthquake?’

My eyes darted to the window.

Everything was definitely moving, inside and out.

‘What about the other window with my desk?’

It wasn’t moving.

As quickly as the earthquake started, it subsided.

Now, looking back I’m amazed at how quickly I came to this conclusion whilst in that state of mind, but I put two and two together. I could see myself working though the other window and at the exact moment I have a panic attack, there was an earthquake. I had caused the shaking by panicking and wherever the fuck I was seemed to be connected to my state of mind.

I stared at my working hands, thinking.

‘Was I in my mind?’ I wondered.

‘Surely not…’

Yet, that wasn’t the thought that scared me, what was controlling my body?

I walked over to the other window and continued to watch my body was doing. It was now texting my friend.

‘Well it’s good to know I am functioning normally at least’ I thought to myself.

Then, I took a closer look at what it was typing and it was complete gibberish.

‘Oh, that’s just great’. I said anxiously.

My fear of humiliation was once again taking over. I could feel the inability to breathe returning.

‘Don’t panic, you need to find a way back.’


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Proud

There’s a trend…

I downplay my achievements

For what?

Fear?

Anxiety?


No.

I strive to do more.


Wait. Pause. And breathe.

You have done so much and come so far.

Don’t want what others want for you.

All that matters is that you did amazing, celebrate it

Shout it from the roof top because your achievements matter

No matter how small, you did it.

If anyone tried to discourage you, ignore them.


Creativity Lost

There’s a spark.

It’s shining dimly.

I can’t stop thinking about it.


Everyday the spark is growing

It’s getting brighter

As if it will be ready to burst at any second!


I need to let it out

I need people to see it.


No wait, there’s doubt…

People will laugh…

The spark needs to go away.

Let me just ignore it.

Love

There’s a light engulfing me

I see you there and you see me

This light isn’t flickering, it’s growing by the second

It’s warm and soothing


Thank you for helping me discover this…

My troubles pain less with this light present

Life will never be easy

Yet, with your help it’s slightly more bearable

I feel wanted and needed

The Water Lily By Henry Lawson

The Water Lily is one of my favourite poems. For me, it captures the death of a loved one perfectly, especially the emotions felt after a miscarriage. Henry Lawson created fantastic imagery in this poem that acts as a metaphor for wanting to join somewhere in death but having to wait. It’s an incredibly powerful poem and I hope you enjoy it.

A lonely young wife
        In her dreaming discerns
        A lily-decked pool
        With a border of ferns,
        And a beautiful child,
        With butterfly wings,
Trips down to the edge of the water and sings:
        ‘Come, mamma! come!
        ‘Quick! follow me—
‘Step out on the leaves of the water-lily!’ 
        And the lonely young wife,
        Her heart beating wild,
        Cries, ‘Wait till I come,
        ‘Till I reach you, my child!’
        But the beautiful child
        With butterfly wings
Steps out on the leaves of the lily and sings:
        ‘Come, mamma! come!
        ‘Quick! follow me!
‘And step on the leaves of the water-lily! 

And the wife in her dreaming
Steps out on the stream,
But the lily leaves sink
And she wakes from her dream.
Ah, the waking is sad,
For the tears that it brings,
And she knows ’tis her dead baby’s spirit that sings:
‘Come, mamma! come!
‘Quick! follow me!
‘Step out on the leaves of the water-lily!’

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March Reading List

Recently, I have been trying to read on a daily basis and while I have been able to achieve that, I have only been reading Harry Potter. I am currently up to book four, which is pretty good since I went from one book a year to three. Despite this, I want to expand and read different genres because books contain great insight into the world and every book offers something different.

In order to make sure I try to read more variety, I am going to share my reading list for March and hopefully at the end of the month – there will be book reviews. Since the four books on my nightstand are quite lengthy, I am going to aim for three, so here they are:

Sapians

This book was on my January reading list and it just didn’t happen. However, I am determined to get it finished even if it kills me. My issue with reading this book is that I watch a lot of informational videos and documentaries, therefore, I have heard some of this information before. Regardless, I will give it my best shot as I find it explains a lot about society which I find interesting.

Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire

I am ready to get into this book because I loved the Prison of Azkaban. I enjoyed the first two books a lot, though it didn’t pick up for me until the third. For me, I really love the world building more than the actual writing and storytelling because the all the books are just a vibe. Prisoner of Azkaban changed that because I thoroughly enjoyed that story and cannot wait for the rest of them.

Illuminae

This book is quite different to any book I’ve ever read. It tells the story in the form of case files. I don’t know much about the story currently, though it is described as a mix of ‘space opera, romance, zombies, hackers and political thrills’, and of course this is right up my alley.

Thanks for reading everyone! I hope to share my thoughts on the books.

The Death Of A Friendship

Ask me why I’m pushing you away.

Instead of stating I’ve been distance.

People don’t shut others out unless there is a reason.

Clearly you must know the reason…


Why didn’t you change?

Why continue to show disregard for my feelings?

Do you think it will make me stronger?

Toxicity and lack of respect only weakens


It’s time for me to walk away.

I have changed my behaviour for you.

Yet, you will not do the same

Honesty can only go so far…

A Letter To My Younger Self

Hey there,

Life is going to throw a lot of challenges.

Some of which, you would never even imagine.

There will be much heartache and pain.

However, you will get through every minute of it and be a better person at the end of it all.


Keep those who treat you right close and don’t let them go.

Let the ones who don’t leave your life and do so knowing that you tried your best.

You have great friends currently and know that whatever life throws at you they will be there.

I want you to remember to be there for them too, especially when life is tough; try.

It’s okay if you can’t as long as you give it your all.


And one last thing, don’t let people walk all over you.

You have a voice.

Make your feelings clear and don’t allow people’s comments to resurface.

Be strong and know you have a right to be treated with respect.


I am so proud of you and you’re doing your best to achieve your dreams.

Love from, your future self.


This post is a little different than usual, however; I think it’s a nice idea to write to your younger self. It was quite therapeutic telling her how far I have come and where I am at now.

Thanks for reading!