Self-Discipline

Everyone gets stuck in life. You feel like you aren’t getting anywhere. You feel stuck and unmotivated to do anything. It happens to everybody at some point and the hardest thing to do, is to get out of it.

Browsing through reddit I discovered the r/selfdiscipline subreddit and I read something that makes a lot of sense. Motivation isn’t the key to changing and becoming self-disciplined, willpower is.

What is willpower? The control exerted to do something or restrain an impulse. Motivation to do something can dissolve but the will power to get up and finish that essay you’ve been procrastinating is can be trained. Developing the will power to just give it a go can help overcome the anxiety motivation brings. When you really want to try something, your mind thinks about it, gets excited and then as most humans do, we get let our mind wonder to anxious places. So, next time you have no motivation to do something, ask yourself if you have the will power to do it.

Thanks for reading!

Realising

Lately I feel like I’m just breathing,

Not living.

I just go about my day as usual

The only difference I lack motivation

I think I’m just in a rut.


It’s been a few weeks of this.

The rut isn’t ending.

I keep sleeping till 12

Ugh… when will it stop?


I was telling someone today.

They said they too experienced it

When they had depression…

Surely it isn’t.


It isn’t getting better

Is this what depression is?

Is this how it feels?

How do I make it stop?

Reflection

Here’s a quick short story, hope you enjoy it!

When we look in the mirror, our reflection stares back. It is up to us to perceive its beauty and it’s very easy to allow the flaws to outshine everything else. Yet mirrors only show physical beauty. For me, it’s different, when I look at my reflection, it shows what’s inside of me.

I don’t know when I started to notice it. slowly, as I started to get older, I could see my reflection becoming more grotesque and sickly. First, my skin started to become increasingly pale and eventually it began flaking on my face, then arms. I just dismissed the strange pale colour I had become, thinking it was the lighting in the bathrooms. The flaking I couldn’t explain however, when I looked at my arms, my skin appeared to have no irregularities. I thought it was strange, yet I just assumed I was seeing things. That was until I could no longer ignore it.

It became disgustingly noticeable. My skin had apparently started to flake all over my body in my reflection. Still, there was nothing out of the ordinary on my actual skin. So, I did what any adolescent would do, I was scared and thought there must be something wrong with me. I hid it and went about the next two years never staring directly in the mirror out of fear of my reflection.

That was until I accidentally caught a glimpse of my reflection in the eye one day. Usually I kept my head down, usually I wouldn’t look at windows or any reflective surface. But that day, some bullies were shoving me around and that was when I saw it in a puddle. The pale skin had turned grey, the flakiness seemed to remove a layer of skin to reveal a leather like texture and the eyes… they are what haunted me the most. The eyes looked hollow. Not as in there was nothing there, they were as if there was no life in them. They were glassy and bore deep into my soul.

In that moment I screamed a bloodcurdling shriek. The bullies stopped. Looked at what I was staring at, confused. They brushed me off and walked away. That was when I realised, only I could see it. I had hidden my face behind a hoodie for two years and for what?

I didn’t know why my reflection was like that. It puzzled me for months. Then I realised, it shows me who I am inside. It puts the death of hopes and dreams, the death of my childhood oh full display. It’s a reflection of every shitty moment in my life and a reminder. It’s a curse.

It’s been ten years. I still see it, everyday. I’m not afraid of it, well I wasn’t, but then it started moving on it’s own. I don’t know why it has this power, maybe it’s the ten years of bullshit people have forced me to put up with. It’s built up now and it’s going to continue building. I don’t know what’s next, but I have an idea. My reflection wants to escape, it wants revenge. If things keep going the way they are… my reflection just might get what it wants.

So, just a warning. Don’t let everything people do eat you up inside. You never know when you won’t recognise yourself in the mirror anymore.

Healthy Friendships

Here is my take on a healthy friendship. A healthy friendship consists of mutual respect for each others feelings. If they do something that bothers you or vice versa, it needs to be a friendship where one feels comfortable confronting the other. Otherwise the hurt will continue and it can become toxic.

Recently, I have learned if they don’t want to make the changes or make no effort to reassure your issues then they aren’t worth your time. Friends need to be there for each other and not be toxic. Toxicity can lead to unhappiness in any relationship.

Toxicity can result in bad vibes and general sadness. It stops people from seeing the light in situations and causes them to see the negative.

Don’t let people bring you down, if someone is toxic to you then reevaluate that relationship. In the end, is it worth it?

I Know What You’re Thinking

I know what you’re thinking.

I can read you like a book.

Even if you won’t admit it.

You’re struggling


Just let me in…

It’s not hard

I’ve shown you my feelings

Why won’t you show me yours?

I trust you, trust me.


It’s so clear now…

I was struggling

I don’t understand anyone

Or…maybe I just shouldn’t understand

Maybe it’s the will of others to let me in.

In that case, no one is worth the effort if they don’t.

Let Me Sleep

Why won’t you let me sleep?

I am exhausted.

Completely and utterly exhausted.


It’s been an hour since I was rudely awoken.

And yet my heart still pounds within my chest

The anxiety is still lingering

When will you let me sleep?


I hate closing my eyes.

All I have is these beating heart and my thoughts

Please…just let me sleep


For more poetry, check out my Wattpad!

Black Sheep

I’m walking on eggshells

No matter how hard I try, it’s not good enough

I seek your approval, why?


You’re cruel and heartless

You prey on the weak.

Yet, here I am hanging onto your every breath

Is it to prove I’m worthy of you? Maybe partly.

Or is it because you fuel the anxiety

The anxiety that I will never be good enough

Because, after all, I am the black sheep and that’s all I can ever be.


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