What’s Left?

I feel deserted

Like I’ve fucked up so much.

Somehow it was all my fault,

Because it couldn’t be helped.

Because it’s a great life lesson.

Abuse is abuse

There’s no reward from it,

No lesson to learn, no right to make excuses for an abuser.

While they have everything,

I’m on the floor broken.

And now, I’m down here thinking ‘what’s left?’

‘…What’s left of me?’

Slowly, I pull myself from the floor,


That I have my strength,

My fire and passion for life.

I know myself, I know who I want to be.

And no one can ever take that away from me.

One of the last sentences you said was,

‘I hope you survived’

I didn’t just survive.

I flourished into a person you could never be.

So, what’s left?

There’s so much.



I often watch myself in the mirror

Trying to see beauty

A face that reflects my heart and my soul

Yet, I can never see it

Am I not beautiful inside?

My image stares back

Not me, but a reflection

She looks like me… and moves like me

But she looks empty inside

There’s no depth there

Maybe thats why I cannot see the beauty

Slowly she’s getting less empty

Filling up with shining light

It’s slow but it’s steady,

I can see it!

She’s beautiful

All it took was for me to see beauty in myself

I was searching without trying…

Trying to love… myself


Time Pauses For No One

Let me freeze this moment, please?

My future is fuzzy

It’s hard to see

I think there are shadows lurking

I’m safe in this moment,

Where my world transparent.

No monsters are lurking,

Shadows are absent.

The universe cannot hear my pleas,

They continue to go unanswered,

The path of uncertainty approaches,

Why won’t you stop time?

Please? For me?

I speak to the universe as if I am special.

As if time should only stop for me.

Everyone is scared.

Life is uncertain.

But it’s a journey we must take,

And times will be tough

“But you will blossom”,

I can hear the universe whispering to me.



I thought it was really going to happen this time.

The universe was on my side

I could see my dream,

Drawn by the stars,

Spelled out by the gushing winds

The universe was telling me something

Yet, I never realised…

Never realised it was drawn by the stars,

Because my dream was too big.

Spelled out by the gushing winds,

Because my dream was too loud.

The universe was warning me

‘Don’t pursue it.’

‘You’re a speck of dust in this eternal vacuum of time and space.’

I was deluded.


Winter is Here

Snow falls

A blanket covers the earth

Most life becomes calm and still.

Yet, there’s still life that flourishes in the harshest of times

Through eons of adaptations.

It takes time to get used to something new

I once expected to wake up and be a new person

This thinking was wrong as progress is slow

Life is long

Take your time

Adapt and become beautiful in the harshest times.


The Stars

When I look up at the night sky,

I see the past

Light from millions… possibly billions of years ago

There’s beauty in it, but there’s also sadness

Why is it beautiful?

It’s a relic

We can see light from an age we have only read about

Light from a time that our ancestors looked up at those same stars,

Watching in awe.

Then there’s the existential dread that hits

The universe is large

And we are a minuscule dot

Smaller than an atom in contrast to everything bigger

And the time we spend on earth is a fraction of a second in the timeline of the universe

Yet, something gives me hope

Life is rare

We don’t know if it’s out there

Our little planet gave us life

With it’s perfect conditions

In a universe so vast and inhospitable

Was it purely by chance?

Who knows, but we’re here and we did well