Poetry

Congratulations

I need to congratulate you.

You did a good job.

Achieved your goal.


Your moves were so calculated

It had to be a plan.

You must’ve wanted to leave me lying on the floor…

…in a foetal position.


You must feel so proud

So powerful, so strong


You deserve congratulations for stooping so low

For stepping over others to achieve

For gaslighting

Because I know it’s something I could never do

I know it’s something a lot of people cannot do


Good on you.

You must feel like a god now.

Congratulations.

story

The Hunt

Hi everyone, this is part one of a short story I have been working on. I hope through writing more narratives, I’ll be able to develop my writing skills. Thanks for reading!

I sat there, staring into space, thinking of my next steps, thinking of how to fix this shitty situation I found myself in. I had pissed off my boss, and she then felt the need to tell others about my incompetency rather than come to me with it. The scenario repeated on a continuous cycle in my head, like someone was constantly pressing the replay button. I had no control over my mind. I blamed myself and couldn’t think of a way to fix this mess. The fear and embarrassment took over. People would surely think I’m stupid and not fit to work here.

‘It’s clear as day that I’m the issue, otherwise she wouldn’t have said anything’ I thought to myself.

Unable to deal with the emotions, I froze. There I was, sitting at my desk, in a trance caused by the endless replaying of events in my mind. I couldn’t think or work. Then, it all happened so suddenly. The world around me faded to pitch black. It was only for a millisecond, then I found myself in a completely different setting.

‘Eh?’ I said, confused.

I blinked a few times to check if my eyes were deceiving me. Then did that obligatory arm pinch to see if I had somehow fallen asleep without noticing.

I didn’t wake up.

I was definitely awake…

As ridiculous as my recount of events sound, I found myself sitting on a single bed in a small wooden cabin. It was lightly furnished with the necessities; a bed, fireplace, as well as a kitchenette and was dimly lit by windows.

Taking in my surroundings, the scenery outside the window caught my attention.

For a moment, I was almost stricken with awe. In front of me was an emerald green forest, with trees so high I had to awkwardly crane my neck up to see the top. The forest floor was covered in shrubs, with patched of red mushrooms and flowers breaking up the green. As quickly as I saw it’s beauty, fear had gripped me. This isn’t something you’d see where I’m from.

We don’t have luscious green forests.

‘Why the fuck am I here?’ I said, half expecting someone to provide answers.

I turned to scan the cabin. There was zilch. It was as basic as possible. Then the view from the window above the bed caught my eye.

My mouth dropped.

Through the window, I had a first person view of my work desk. Obviously, I wasn’t at my desk, so naturally I freaked the fuck out.

‘What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck?’ I panicked.

I tried grasping the window to see if it was a picture or something pasted to the window.

‘You’re an idiot, it’s…my hands are moving’.

My mind began to race, as it should in a situation like that.

In a frantic effort to discover what was going on I turned cabin upside down, searching for some sort of answer as to why I was there. I checked the kitchen cabinets and search under the mattress. I found nothing.

Anxiety set in and I could sense a panic attack coming on.

I’d like to think I would keep a clear head in stressful situation, however; this was too fucking bizarre to keep a cool head.

I began to hyperventilate. I kept gasping for air. Not matter how much I took into my lungs, it was never enough.

Less than a minute into my panic attack, and without any warning, the cabin began to shake violently. This worked in my favour however, because my mind was distracted enough to stop panicking.

‘Is this an earthquake?’

My eyes darted to the window.

Everything was definitely moving, inside and out.

‘What about the other window with my desk?’

It wasn’t moving.

As quickly as the earthquake started, it subsided.

Now, looking back I’m amazed at how quickly I came to this conclusion whilst in that state of mind, but I put two and two together. I could see myself working though the other window and at the exact moment I have a panic attack, there was an earthquake. I had caused the shaking by panicking and wherever the fuck I was seemed to be connected to my state of mind.

I stared at my working hands, thinking.

‘Was I in my mind?’ I wondered.

‘Surely not…’

Yet, that wasn’t the thought that scared me, what was controlling my body?

I walked over to the other window and continued to watch my body was doing. It was now texting my friend.

‘Well it’s good to know I am functioning normally at least’ I thought to myself.

Then, I took a closer look at what it was typing and it was complete gibberish.

‘Oh, that’s just great’. I said anxiously.

My fear of humiliation was once again taking over. I could feel the inability to breathe returning.

‘Don’t panic, you need to find a way back.’


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Poetry

Proud

There’s a trend…

I downplay my achievements

For what?

Fear?

Anxiety?


No.

I strive to do more.


Wait. Pause. And breathe.

You have done so much and come so far.

Don’t want what others want for you.

All that matters is that you did amazing, celebrate it

Shout it from the roof top because your achievements matter

No matter how small, you did it.

If anyone tried to discourage you, ignore them.


Poetry

Love

There’s a light engulfing me

I see you there and you see me

This light isn’t flickering, it’s growing by the second

It’s warm and soothing


Thank you for helping me discover this…

My troubles pain less with this light present

Life will never be easy

Yet, with your help it’s slightly more bearable

I feel wanted and needed

Poetry

The Water Lily By Henry Lawson

The Water Lily is one of my favourite poems. For me, it captures the death of a loved one perfectly, especially the emotions felt after a miscarriage. Henry Lawson created fantastic imagery in this poem that acts as a metaphor for wanting to join somewhere in death but having to wait. It’s an incredibly powerful poem and I hope you enjoy it.

A lonely young wife
        In her dreaming discerns
        A lily-decked pool
        With a border of ferns,
        And a beautiful child,
        With butterfly wings,
Trips down to the edge of the water and sings:
        ‘Come, mamma! come!
        ‘Quick! follow me—
‘Step out on the leaves of the water-lily!’ 
        And the lonely young wife,
        Her heart beating wild,
        Cries, ‘Wait till I come,
        ‘Till I reach you, my child!’
        But the beautiful child
        With butterfly wings
Steps out on the leaves of the lily and sings:
        ‘Come, mamma! come!
        ‘Quick! follow me!
‘And step on the leaves of the water-lily! 

And the wife in her dreaming
Steps out on the stream,
But the lily leaves sink
And she wakes from her dream.
Ah, the waking is sad,
For the tears that it brings,
And she knows ’tis her dead baby’s spirit that sings:
‘Come, mamma! come!
‘Quick! follow me!
‘Step out on the leaves of the water-lily!’

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Poetry

Seconds

I’m waiting

For those sloppy seconds.


I will appreciate anything

Even though I will never come first


I feel like an animal

One that is always second best

I’m always begging for respect.


Maybe I’m like a dog.

I will do anything for you

I’m loyal as can be

But… it isn’t reciprocated.

Poetry

The Hunt

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”

Robert Frost

This poem is based on a quote by Robert Frost.


Life is cruel.

You’re constantly running to keep up with everyone around you

It isn’t a marathon nor a race

It’s more like a hunt


It feels like the universe is hunting you down

If you can’t keep up, you get caught

Caught in the darkness


I’ve been close…

So close…

Heck, I almost stopped running

The universe would’ve engulfed me


But, I didn’t

I kept moving

Not too fast nor slow

Just, the right pace for me

And now, I feel better than ever

Inspiring People

Getting Through A Panic Attack

Your heart is beating out of its chest and you gasp for air, failing every time – this is a panic attack and it’s a terrifying experience. They are often incredibly difficult to overcome, especially if you don’t have the right techniques. In this post, I want to shine light on some of the reasons why we have panic attacks and methods to get one out of an attack.

Why Do Panic Attacks Occur?

Sometimes it’s during an experience, thinking about a traumatising situation or encountering something that makes you relive the trauma that causes us to panic. There are numerous different triggers for panic attacks and it can be quite difficult to pinpoint the exact situation that has triggered you. None the less, the current situation causes us to have immense fear which results in panic.

This panic we experience is as a result of the fight or flight response. Like when we would encounter a dangerous situation in the past, say a dangerous animal trying to eat us, we would either prepare to fight or flight. Most of the time we would instinctively flight, which involved involuntary responses, such as; fast heart rate and heavy breathing. It prepares us for a life threatening situation.

More often than not, with anxiety and stress, our brain can take these situations as being detrimental to our wellbeing. This in turn, triggers the flight response and we panic.

How to Overcome the Panic?

In order to conquer a panic attack, the key is distraction. Find anything you can do that will keep your mind actively involved. Much of the panic stems from thinking and if you distract your mind, these thoughts are able to leave for long enough to stop an attack. In saying this, different things work for everyone. I personally, list 5 things I can see, hear and touch in order to prevent one when I feel it coming on. If one does come I tend to play a game or scroll reddit to have some sort of active involvement in an activity by my brain. It’s very important to try different things and find out what works best for you, especially if panic attacks are a recurring thing. Some things to try to in order to get out of an attack include:

  • Listing 5 things you can see, hear and touch.
  • Read something informative, this often distracts us as we are focusing. Especially if it’s something that is explaining how to do a task.
  • Say encouraging phrases, such as; ‘you are okay’ or ‘you will get through this’. It is also thought that using ‘you’ instead of ‘I’ helps.
  • Watch something you know will distract you.
  • Bake or cook by following a recipe. I often do this to distract myself at times. It has a calming effect.

Thanks for reading everyone! Panic attacks can be incredibly scary and hard to break out of so I wanted to share how I was able control them. In the end, I found it was understanding the cause of them, along with distracting my mind when negative thoughts appeared.

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Poetry

Betrayal

It isn’t always obvious.

It’s a shadow that creeps up behind you,

Slapping you multiple times in the face.

All at once


I didn’t notice the shadow till now.

Maybe it was so small that I couldn’t see, or…

Or maybe I just chose to ignore it


Maybe it was so blatantly obvious to every one but me.

I was blind.

It only followed me, so I thought I must’ve been special

It felt so good to be the centre of something’s attention.


But did it really care?

It’s a shadow for a reason.

What’s beneath it isn’t apparent

All that’s hidden within is its selfishness

It leeches off your support and gives little back

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Poetry

Saying Goodbye

It’s hard…

Hard to imagine you gone.


All my life you were consistently there.

Your smile…your voice…

Then you were snatched away


Am I being selfish?

Was it really your time? Or were you cruelty taken from this earth?

The world you survived for so long


Does it matter though?

If I believe what I truely believe than I know you are in a far better place…

A place where the cruelties of this world are absent.

A place where you can finally be at home.


I am selfish for wanting you in this lesser place.

No matter what, I will miss you and dream of the day we are reunited.

The day where we are both in a world where we, together; are free and happy


Life is short.

No one knows if the end is really the end

Don’t wait until then to find happiness

Find it in life not death,

Because this is where time is limited.

Death is eternity.