Not outside, but in
I cannot feel anyone’s warmth
There’s no love or support to envelope me
Only emptiness and ice remains
Please, someone hold my hand
I need attention
My fears are too strong
Anxiety is growing.
Validate my feelings,
It can help set me free.
Now that someone’s here,
I’m no longer cold and empty,
It’s been replaced by warmth.
Thank you for the validation,
I don’t feel so alone anymore.
I look in the mirror
I’m proud of myself
I look good and feel good.
My confidence starts blooming
Though, I need numbers to validate my progress.
It’s not what I expected.
I haven’t made progress, I’m stationary.
It’s a gut wrenching feeling.
Why…why? Am I not making progress.
Is it because I check the numbers everyday?
Yes change doesn’t happen overnight.
But it’s impulse now…
I can’t help it.
I need validation for how I look.
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2019 is coming to an end, so it’s time to reflect on the lessons I’ve learned during the year. I am incredibly optimistic that 2020 is going to be a fantastic year and the 2020s is going to be a good decade. So, here it goes:
Just because people care, doesn’t mean they always will.
Some people suddenly treat others like shit and there will always be one person who ares about you then treats you poorly. However; it’s time to look at all the people who do care about you and why they all care. People care about you and love you because you’re a good person. Everyone has flaws but learn from them and don’t blame yourself if people leave.
Letting go of the past.
The past shouldn’t always haunt a person. Learn from your mistakes and be a better individual. You did something amazing, you were tested and you overcame – undergoing a significant amount of growth. Don’t let your past haunt you when you have changed, you’re not the same person you were at the start of 2019.
Peoples actions aren’t always because of you.
Some people have gone through a lot. You can either become a better person or go down the path that others inflicted on you. People who treat you poorly do so because they have their own personal issues. The way they treat others is a reflection of their character and their own deep seeded issues. On a side note, it’s not your responsibility to change anyone or help them grow.
Rely on no one.
The only person who can make you feel better is yourself. You don’t need validation or supervision from others. You can accept guidance but the only one who knows what’s best for you is yourself. Listen to the voice inside your head (within reason, of course). I know some people cannot always do that due to mental health, however; a lot of people do know what’s best for them. If someone tells you to see a councillor, by all means follow their guidance, go see for yourself if it helps you cope. Don’t let them make you feel obliged to though, you yourself know if you can cope. Someone told me to see a psychologist so I can get tailored help. I then felt like I had to because I had issues that needed addressing. At that time, I had just seen a councillor and was thanking them for telling me to see one because I wouldn’t have gone if no one had. What I realised when I spoke to my councillor, all I needed was validation that I had been wronged because I kept blaming myself. But it was in my head that I needed help for issues I could handle. I was able to identify the components of a situation I could’ve handled better, I learned from that. At the end of the day, I decided to undergo the healing alone because I know how to cope, I just needed validation from the psychologist or councillor and that won’t always be there. This year, I learned to rely on myself. You’re the only person who knows what you need, you’re the only one who can truely guide you.
Welcoming the New Decade
We are going to start this decade off with a bang. Using the lessons I learned, I will continue to enforce them. I’m going to continue to I find inspiration everywhere I look and try to see life through rose coloured glasses. No more being unhappy, it’s time to change. I’m 21 and I want to live my life to the fullest.
I painted something!
It’s gorgeous, some of my best work
It’s a dancer, leaping through the air
I love it! I need to show someone!
“Mum! Mum! Look at my painting!”
“Look! Look! Look!”
“Isn’t it pretty?”
I can’t help but smile, I’m so excited
It’s definitely going on the fridge
Huh? She doesn’t look very impressed
What’s wrong with it?
All she said was “it’s nice”?
Maybe it’s not as great as I thought
I don’t like it anymore